The Effects of Holding Grievances

I’m a member of a Telegram chat group that usually has a very positive, loving and contributing exchange of dialogue.  Recently several members have been engaged in – or shall I say locked into – an exchange.  I missed the beginning, yet gather one (Member 1) felt the other (Member 2) was “abusive” in a comment.  Member 2 wrote that he tried to take the misunderstanding to a private DM (direct message). Member 1 continued messaging within the group. Other members chimed until administrator came in and that line of messaging ended.

Does any of that sound familiar?

How often do we find ourselves in situations where we have locked horns, so to speak, with someone?  If we look at the world situation, it is rife with conflict. We have a perception, based on our experience. It may seem to us that the other person has to “win” or “be right”, yet we are also engaged at that level or would not feel the need to defend ourselves or attack the other.  At a certain point if we want peace, we realize that we have to let it go.  On the outside it may mean letting the other feel they have “won” if that is required and regardless of the outer consequences.

These interactions are like a loop which, once started, keeps feeding on itself and creating more of the same.  It’s like a multi-headed monster that can never be satisfied or satiated.  To find one’s way out one has to decide to have had enough and that peace is more important than being right.  As Harv Ecker coined years ago: “You can be right or you can be happy”.

Much is written about holding grievances and the effects of it.  From my experience, holding grievances lowers our frequency, traps us into the matrix and inhibits the progress of our individual evolution. Now… that was quite a statement so let me offer some additional food for thought.

This morning during meditation, a “grievance” kept coming up.  It was like a dog with a bone if you know what I mean. I had to get very mindful to prevent it from taking me down the proverbial rabbit hole to a hall of mirrors or conversation with the Mad Hatter (if I may mix metaphors).

When I engage with a grievance, I’ve noticed I “lose time”. It can be many minutes later when I interrupt the line of thinking, become present and take command. and I’m left wondering where time went and where “I” was all that time.

Grievances arise from pain, rather than love. Acknowledgement of the underlying pain is helpful since we can only heal what we are willing to look at and take responsibility for.  We can’t heal what we ignore, gloss over by saying it is an illusion and does not exist, or do not acknowledge. 

Engaging in thinking about the grievance itself, which can involve the imagination since we continue to picture and engage with the perceived hurt or attach, however causes neurons in the brain to fire together.  As Dr. Joe Dispenza has said, “when neurons fire together they wire together”. (Kindly refer to Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work for further information on this.) In my understanding once neurons in the brain are wired together, they continue to fire together which generates a thought pattern, and a deeper and deeper patterned rut of thinking.  The visual here ought to speak for itself in terms of the energy it then takes to get out of that rut.

Grievances are an attack. We perceive the attack to be valid based on our way of looking at the world – our particular energetic makeup, conditioning, experiences, socialization culture etc.  And when we perceive a slight or attack, we experience hurt of some sort and magnitude.  I’ve written about and discuss our programming in other content I provide but a grievance is always personal.  A group can be in agreement that they have a grievance, yet each person in that group or culture has to have a similar belief that s/he is slighted or attacked.

Many spiritual books and teachers have suggested there are two ways of looking at the world, (and a myriad of paths within those) one is through eyes of love and the other through the lens of fear. Our perceptions and behaviours reflect the choice we make.

So, what can we do?

When we experience a grievance, let us simultaneously be aware that this is a call for help – both from within us, since we are the ones who are having the experience, and perhaps from the other or others, if they are attacking.  I say “if” since we may experience attack without that being the intent of the other.

Forgiveness is essential here.  I’ve spoken and written of forgiveness in other posts and writings, so won’t go into that here.  Suffice it to say it isn’t about being a doormat or agreeing with behaviour of another.  Instead, it is an essential ingredient to enable us to heal.   

As we become more conscious and aware of our own reactions and responses, we can refrain from engaging in the dramas and traumas, or if we find ourselves there, know to exit as quickly and gracefully as we can.  The cost of holding grievances, anger, frustration, hate or any other negative emotion is just too costly.

When we focus on and experience what is of a lower frequency, whatever is of a higher frequency becomes invisible – it is no longer resonant.  It reminds me of the optical illusion of the young woman and crone. (This is a public image now, yet  I understand first appeared on German postcard in 1888, and adapted by William Ely Hill for publication in 1915.  What is the first image you see?

Focusing on grievances creates detours or exit ramps along the road we are travelling, and changes the trajectory of our evolution. It inhibits our being on an accelerated evolutionary path.  It is for that reason I say it traps us into the matrix and inhibits the progress of our individual evolution.

Instead of seeing a grievance or an attack, reframe it as a call for love, and consider responding from there. You will feel happier and create a more loving environment as a result.


January 15, 2023

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