Have you ever found yourself feeling tired around someone, inadequate or less than, or that you aren’t good enough, smart enough or whatever enough? Yet with others you feel good, uplifted, happy, confident and energized even when you connect via email?
Many of us go through our day and don’t pay attention to the way we feel around others. We may believe that if we’re tired, it’s that we didn’t eat right, get enough sleep etc. And that may be a factor. Yet one of the ways we will feel tired is when we make agreement with (at some level), take on or believe others’ opinions about us that aren’t true. This isn’t about being around others who always agree with us, or are “nice”. It’s about respect – self respect and having healthy boundaries.
As coach, and a good one too, at a certain point I wanted to get to the next level and reach more people. I met someone who claimed to have certain results. I engaged with that person and after a few months decided to end the relationship. It was too costly in that I found it mentally, emotionally and physically draining. Now, let’s be clear: I’m not a victim, nor was I claiming to be one there.
Though I had become aware that I’d unwittingly opened via an area of my life where I didn’t feel whole and complete at the time (sounds a bit like a computer virus, gaining access a vulnerability, doesn’t it?!), I initially decided to complete our sessions, and learn as much as I could. At that point, I still believed that was possible and there would be some gems there. OOPS… Ok, so there were some gems, and all in the Life Learning category!
One of the principles I teach is that what we focus on expands. So here I was, engaged in what was supposed to be a business relationship that would enhance my business, and I was experiencing the opposite. What tripped me up is that I wanted to believe there was something there. In fact, I was unconsciously looking to feed one of my own need’s – one that was causing me pain.
Now, I’m not saying that we should never reach out and get help! That would be silly, wouldn’t it?! We are social beings by nature rather than lone rangers. Support and collaboration are essential to build our dreams and take us to higher levels of joy and life; contribution is in our nature. However, when we open to and accept help and then we find ourselves feeling tired or drained, its a bad deal for both.
So what do we do?
Well, the first thing is to be clear that no other person has dominion or authority over us, regardless of our physical circumstances, unless we permit it. We are the highest authority in our lives, period. Eleanor Roosevelt said (I’m unsure if this is a direct quote) that, “All the water in the world won’t drown you unless you let it inside.” It isn’t the person or situation, per se. It’s a matter of alignment.
Next, what I do is turn my focus to what I enjoy and what feels good, particularly when I’m around or involved with others. I’ve learned to engage, hang out and spend time with people and in situations where it feels good, where I leave feeling inspired or uplifted, where there is mutual respect and we are able to work together for the betterment of all.
Finally, I’ve learned to limit my time and energy around people when I notice I’m feeling tired and with those who do not align with or share my core values. I wish them all well, as I do me, regardless.
The earlier we catch these circumstances and situations, the better off we will be. Its never too late to make another choice!
Here’s to your Brilliance!Share